Choosing Relationship

Throughout my life, I have often chosen relationship over being right.

And when I say “right,” I don’t mean opinion. I mean correct—
Correct because of experience.
Correct because of research.
Correct because of proven methods.
Correct because of discernment.
Correct because, deep down, I knew.

There have been many moments—across roles as a daughter, mother, wife, friend, colleague, and supervisor—where I have known in my knower that I was right… and still chose relationship.

Not always. But often.

And if I’m honest, when I knew I was right, it was often hard not to say more.
Not to push further.
Not to challenge harder.
Not to fight for what I believed was the best and right path forward.

Because at the core, it wasn’t just about being right.

It was about wanting the best outcome.

Sometimes that looked like softening my voice.
Sometimes it meant using humor to diffuse tension.
Sometimes it meant making myself smaller so someone else could feel more comfortable.

Because if they felt comfortable, the relationship could stay intact.

And if I’m honest, there were times when I leaned in even when others were the ones unwilling to stretch—too fragile or too inflexible to hold the tension of disagreement.

Choosing relationship didn’t mean I never spoke truth. It didn’t mean I avoided accountability. And it certainly didn’t mean every relationship lasted.

But it did mean that I often carried the quiet weight of holding both truth and connection at the same time.

Over the years, I’ve found myself offering this phrase to others when they come to me for counsel:

“Abandon the need to be right.”

Not because truth doesn’t matter.
Not because clarity isn’t important.
But because the need to be right can sometimes cost us the very thing we’re trying to preserve.

When people feel unheard, dismissed, or stuck in their “rightness,” we often come back to a simple but difficult question:

What matters most here—being right, or the relationship?

And if the answer is relationship, then the work becomes different.

It becomes about finding a way for both people to feel honored and respected, while also discerning how much being right actually matters in that moment.

There is no easy win here.

We are human beings doing our best.
We don’t always get it right.

As parents, we can often see the path ahead for our children—we want them to choose the right way.
As supervisors, we can see the road in front of our teams—we want them to take the right steps.
As friends, partners, and leaders, we want the people we care about to avoid pain, make wise choices, and move forward well.

And yet… they have their own journey.

And we have to decide, again and again, how we will show up in it.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on this through the lens of Easter—particularly Good Friday.

That desperate in-between.

The space between what was and what will be.
The place where pain and promise coexist.

When I think about Jesus, I don’t see someone who avoided truth for the sake of relationship.

He spoke boldly. Clearly. Convictingly.

He was right.

And yet, He still chose relationship.

Even knowing He would be misunderstood.
Even knowing He would be betrayed.
Even knowing the very people He loved—and who claimed to love Him—would deny, reject, and crucify Him.

He did not withdraw.
He did not harden.
He did not say, “I told you so.”

He stayed.

He endured.

He forgave.

He made a way for relationship—even in the face of rejection.

Good Friday reminds us that choosing relationship is not the same as avoiding truth.

It is not passive. It is not weak. It is not about shrinking ourselves to keep others comfortable.

Sometimes, choosing relationship looks like standing fully in truth while remaining open in heart.

Sometimes it looks like holding conviction without closing connection.

And sometimes, it looks like loving anyway—
even when being right costs you something.

Maybe the question isn’t simply, “Am I right?”
Or even, “Am I preserving the relationship?”

Maybe the deeper question is:

Am I willing to abandon my need to be right in order to pursue what is truly best—while still holding truth with humility and grace?

Because perhaps being more like Christ isn’t about choosing between being right or being in relationship.

Perhaps it’s about learning how to carry both… with courage, humility, and love.